My Immortal
by Draic Kin of the Balance
Summary: We all know about the death of Lila Evers Wate and how hard it was on Ethan and his family, but what happened during those five months? Rated T just in case.
1. Chapter 1

My Immortal

"Ethan Lawson Wate! Rise and shine!" Amma called from downstairs. I sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

"I'm coming!" I shouted. It was Monday, which meant two things: The beginning of a new week and the test on _Hamlet _in Mrs. English's class. I rose out of bed, made up my bed and took a shower before getting dressed and heading downstairs.

"Good morning, sweetheart," my mom said, smiling at me. Dad wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek affectionately. "Today's your big test, isn't it?" she asked me.

I nodded. I had a feeling I was going to bomb the test. I had barely read the play. The only part I'd managed to get around to reading was the scene when Hamlet saw the spirit of his deceased father. "Yep," I sighed.

"You'll do fine," Dad assured me.

_I hope so, _I thought to myself. I was about to reply to my dad when she slid a plate of scrambled eggs and a glass of chocolate milk in front of me. As I began to eat, my mom glanced at the clock and swore to herself.

"Dammit!" she exclaimed. "I'm going to be late to work!" She kissed my dad and hugged Amma goodbye before running out the door. She was the librarian of the Gatlin County Library, and the only person other than myself that I knew who could have and would have spent the entire day in the library if they wanted to. I stood up, putting my clean plate on the counter and headed out the door to my car after saying goodbye to Amma and my dad. I revved up the engine and sped to school. Once I arrived, I killed the engine and climbed out of the car as my best friend Link came over to me.

"Hey, dude!" he called over to me. "You ready?" He bumped his fist against mine and I nodded.

"Ready as I'll ever be," I replied. "Did you read the entire play? I only got to Act I, scene IV."

"Nope," Link replied. "I couldn't get into it. Shakespeare's lingo is too hard for me to understand."

I laughed. "I get what you mean," I said. "Come on, let's go." We walked into the hallways of Jackson High. The hallways were busy and abuzz, everyone talking with everyone about the latest gossip and what Savannah Snow and Emily Asher were going to do next. I checked my watch; we had three minutes before the bell rang.

"I'll see you at lunch, man," said Link, and we parted ways. The first three classes went by rather quickly, and after the end of third period, I walked into Mrs. English's classroom and took my seat on her Bad-Eye Side, where the majority of the class sat.  
"Good morning, class," Mrs. English began. "Today, I'm going to test you on your comprehension of William Shakespeare's tragedy _Hamlet. _You have all period. If you need more time, I'll give you the first twenty minutes of class tomorrow to finish up." As she said this, she walked around the classroom, passing out copies of the test. I scanned through the questions, and my heart dropped. Not only were the questions on what had actually happened in the play, but what some of the characters had said _during_ the play during different scenes. I sighed in frustration and put my head in my hands. The very first question was: _What was Ophelia's fate, and how did Hamlet react? _

"…Dammit, Mrs. English," I muttered under my breath. I don't know how long I sat there, pondering over the play. Before we'd been assigned to read it, I'd read bits and pieces about what'd happened. If only I could remember what those bits and pieces were.

"Ethan Wate?" Mrs. English called out. I looked up from my paper at my teacher. "The principal needs to see you. What about, I don't know." She held out a yellow slip for me, and I walked over to her desk, taking the slip and heading to the principal's office. Had I done something? As far as I could remember, I had stayed out of trouble last week. I decided not to dwell on it, but when I arrived in the office, I was surprised to see my dad and Amma locked in discussion with Principal Harper. Amma's face was streaked with tears, and my dad looked as if he'd just seen a ghost.

"Mr. Harper?" I asked. "You wanted to see me?"

"Ethan," my dad began. "We need to tell you something." I didn't like the way this conversation was going.

"Tell me what?" I pressed. I was becoming more and more uncomfortable with every second.

"There was an accident," he choked out. "Your mother…she's gone." I felt as if I'd been hit with a brick wall. No, he had to be lying. _This couldn't be happening. _

"No," I said, a lump forming in my throat. "No, you're lying. She's still here. She can't be gone."

"Ethan," Amma began, taking a step towards me. I backed away from them, from everyone. I had to get out of here.

"Don't!" I snapped, tears stinging my eyes and falling down my cheeks. I stormed out of the office, trying to keep from completely breaking down. I pressed a hand to my mouth, trying not to sob aloud. I sobbed once and I jumped when all of a sudden I heard, "Ethan, dude! Hey!" It was Link, cutting class of course. "What're you doing out here?"

I couldn't even look at him. I quickly wiped my eyes and he drew nearer to me. "What's wrong?" he asked me.

"I-I can't talk about it right now, Link," I said. Being Link, he didn't drop the subject.

"Talk about what?"

"I said I didn't want to talk about it!" I snapped. I punched the nearest locker and he said, "Okay, man. Okay." He put his hands up in surrender, and I walked past him and into the parking lot. I climbed into my car, and fired up the engine. I sped out of the parking lot, taking a sharp turn off of the campus. I knew I was going over the speed limit, but I didn't care. All I could think about was my mom. I refused to believe she was gone. When I got to the library, she would be there and she would chastise me for my leaving school grounds after being called to the principal's office. Everything would be okay. But everything _wasn't_ okay. I drove to the Gatlin County Library, parking in the nearest parking space I could find before running inside. Marian was busy putting some books on the shelf and she turned around upon hearing the doors shut.

She looked like she was about to greet me until she saw how upset I was. She walked over to me and asked me, "Ethan, what's wrong? Why aren't you in school right now?"

"Have you seen my mom?" I said. Marian was confused.

"No, I haven't seen her," she answered. "Sorry. She left half an hour ago." She didn't know about the accident.

_The accident. _The words echoed in my head, and I whirled around, sprinting back into my car. I sparked the engine and travelled back to my house. I could barely see where I was going. I didn't care that people were yelling at me and honking as I took many sharp turns, speeding.

Finally, I pulled into the driveway of my house and got out, slamming the door and practically running inside. My vision was blurred with tears. I slid down against the door and began to sob. I knew that as much as I wanted to convince myself that my mom was still here, it would change _nothing. _She would still be gone, and there was nothing I could do about it. My cell phone went off in my pocket; it was Amma. I didn't want to talk to her right now. Hell, I didn't want to talk to _anyone. _I threw my phone aside and took several deep breaths. _Get it together, Ethan, _I told myself. I heard the engine of my dad's car as it pulled into the driveway.

"…We need to talk to him about this, Mitchell," I heard Amma say to my dad. "You're hurting, and I understand that. I'm hurting, too, but Ethan needs you."

"I just need some time alone to think!" Dad shouted. "Why is that so hard for you to understand?" Both of the doors slammed shut.

"Probably because you'd rather hide away, burying yourself in your grief, than help your own son through all of this!" she shot back. "You're not the only one who lost Lila! We all did! You, me, Ethan, Marian, her parents, _everyone_!" There was a slight pause and then, "Mitchell Wate! If you dare to ignore Ethan in all of this, you can leave!" I got to my feet and went down the stairs just as my dad ran up them without so much as glancing my way.

"What was that?" I asked Amma.

"Nothing you need to worry about," she said, smiling sadly at me.

We both knew that was a lie.

**A/N: This is my first [chapter] story. Reviews are golden and appreciated!**


	2. Chapter 2

It'd been a day since Dad and Amma had broken the news to me about my mom's accident, and it was clear that nothing was going to be the same around Gatlin for quite some time now. Amma refused to do her crosswords, Dad was holed up in his study, and I was trying to make sense of it all. It felt like I was living the life of someone else.

"How're you holding up, Ethan?" Amma asked softly, looking up from the newspaper. She'd been skimming through it instead of reading, I knew.

"Fine," I lied. She gave me a piercing stare; it was like she could stare right through me, and in a way, she could. She was like that.

"We both know you aren't fine, Ethan Wate," she said.

"Neither are you," I countered, "neither is Dad. I heard you arguing yesterday."

She sighed sadly. "He's been in his study," she told me. "Right when we got home yesterday, he locked himself in there. The only times he's come out are either for bathroom breaks or retrieving a meal just to take back into that god-forsaken room."

"I'll go check on him," I offered.

"It's no—" I rose from the couch and headed upstairs to the study, banging on the door. "Dad! Dad, it's Ethan."

"Leave me alone," my father shouted shakily. I knew he'd been crying. "I need to be here." I didn't know how to feel about this. My mom's death was hurting me as much as it was hurting my dad and Amma, but my dad—what he was doing?—he wasn't coping. And it was killing me.

"Dad, please," I tried again.

"I said to leave me alone," he repeated. "I'm _not _going to say it again." His voice slurred, and a knot formed in my stomach. He'd been drinking, and according to Amma, he'd been there for half a day and an entire night. Oh my God.

"Dad…" Big mistake. The door flew open and I was greeted by my dad's furious, beet-red, tear-streaked face.

"WHAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ABOUT GIVING ME SOME FUCKING TIME ALONE, ETHAN? _GET THE HELL OUT_!" he screamed, and he slammed the door in my face. The last time he had yelled at me like this was when I'd decided to take a peek at his next book out of curiosity when I was just a little kid. In my peripheral vision, I saw Amma come up the stairs behind me. I turned around to face her.

She shook her head, wiping at some stray tears. "I tried last night to see if he would come out," she said. "He raged at me, but not like this."

"Do you think he'll always be like this?" I asked.

"I don't know," she answered. "Love can do surprising things to a person." A lump formed in my throat, and I swallowed it away. I knew almost better than anyone, save for Amma, about how much my father loved my mother. Before I could respond, there were some knocks at the door. Amma answered it. It was Link.

"Hi," he said uneasily. "Is Ethan home?"

"Yes. Why?" Amma replied.

"I need to talk to him about something," Link explained. "Please." Amma studied him carefully before nodding slowly.

"Come on in."

"Thank you, ma'am." Link approached me and I spoke before he could.

"I'm sorry about yesterday, man," I apologized. "I just…"

"It's all cool," he said, offering me a weak smile. "What happened yesterday?"

"My mom died," I said.

"Oh my God. I'm so sorry, dude," said Link.

"So am I." I appreciated his support, I did, but I was feeling like we were two teenage girls baring our souls to one another. And it felt awkward as hell. Link seemed to pick up on my uneasiness and he said quickly, "I guess I'll get going. I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Okay." We pounded fists and I leaned against the doorway. I saw a car pulling up into the driveway, and I knew it was Marian. I'd recognize her car anywhere. She stepped out of the car and her concerned gaze met mine. She knew. I was starting to wonder if all of Gatlin had been invited to my Misery Fest. Frankly, the last thing I wanted was for the entire town to feel sorry for me. I didn't want their pity. All I wanted was for them to leave me alone and let me work through my mom's passing on my own.

"Aunt Marian," I called out. "What're you doing here?" She wordlessly ran over to me and pulled me into a hug.

"I heard about the accident," she said, surprised that I'd even bothered to ask that question. "I'm so sorry. How've you been?" We pulled apart and to my horror, tears suddenly burned in my eyes, threatening to spill over.

"I'm fine," I told her.

"No, you're not." She paused and asked me, "How is Mitchell?"

"My dad's a mess," I confessed. "He's been hiding in his study and drinking. Don't bother trying to talk to him, Aunt Marian. He yelled at me and Amma when we tried reasoning with him."

She was shocked speechless by this account. We both knew that it was unlike my dad to be like this. Without another word, she proceeded into the house. I followed her, and she and Amma hugged one another before engaging in discussion. The room was dead silent, the only sound coming from their conversation. I descended up the stairs and knocked on the door of Dad's study. I knew it was stupid. "Dad?" I said quietly. "Dad, are you in there?" No response. Just silence. I tried again. "Dad?" I knocked again before opening the door.

My dad was sitting in the chair, his face buried in his arms. "Dad, Aunt Marian's here. I think you should come see her." Once more, silence. I walked over to him and gently shook him by the shoulder. It was then that I realized he was asleep. He'd drunken himself to sleep. In that instant, I was overwhelmed by emotion. I stormed out of the room, practically running down the stairs.

"Ethan, where're you going?" Amma asked me.

"I need some air," I said shortly. I picked up the keys to my car on my way out and climbed inside, starting the engine. I pulled out of my driveway and drove away from Wate's Landing. I had to get away from everything and everyone. I focused on the road ahead. I turned on my iPod that was connected to my car's stereo and pressed play, cranking up the volume as loud as I could. Breaking Benjamin's _Diary of Jane _was playing, but I was barely paying attention to the lyrics. The music was so loud I could barely hear myself think. I didn't want to think about all that'd happened. I didn't want to think about my mom's death or how my dad was refusing to cope with her passing. It was all just too much. My life had been turned upside down in the span of less than a day.

I stopped my car just outside of the Gatlin County Library, and my heart squeezed in my chest. The library had been my mom's natural habitat when she wasn't with me and my dad at home. We'd spend hours in the library together, looking for great pieces of literature to read, just for the sake of spending time together. Now, we would never have the chance to do so again. The tears that I'd been fighting back finally fell from my eyes, and I didn't bother wiping them. "Why?" I asked myself. Why did this have to happen? Why did my mom have to die like she did, so suddenly? My train of thought was interrupted when I saw Emily Asher walking by. She noticed my presence and she said coldly, "Oh, there you are, Wate! I was wondering where you were today. Hell, all of Jackson has been abuzz."

"I'm really not in the mood for this, Emily," I said. I wasn't at all. My mom had just died and here she was, trying to antagonize me.

"Oh really? I'm not in the mood either, Wate. My Sweet 16 planning is almost ruined, and…why the hell am I talking to you about this?" she shrieked. She turned on her heel and stormed off. I wasn't sure what I was feeling. I was hurt by my mom's death, frustrated with my dad's method of not coping and trying to make sense of it all. The last thing I wanted was to deal with all of Jackson High's attention focused on me. Emily absolutely despised me, and I could tell that she actually enjoyed tormenting me.

It was becoming clear that things weren't going to be the same in Gatlin for quite some time now.


	3. Chapter 3

There was absolutely no way I could face Jackson. After my encounter with Emily at the library, my thoughts had only been confirmed. I quickly reversed my car, speeding back to Wate's Landing. When I pulled into the driveway, I could hear what I knew was an argument—no, a screaming match.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, DO YOU?" my dad roared. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IN THE SLIGHTEST HOW HARD THIS IS FOR ME! LILA WAS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE! YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THAT!"

"_DON'T YOU DARE MISTAKE ME FOR AN OLD WOMAN OBLIVIOUS TO EVERYTHING AROUND HER, MITCHELL WATE_!" Amma shrieked. "I KNOW HOW MUCH LILA MEANT TO YOU—TO YOU AND ETHAN! THIS IS HARD ON ME AS WELL!" I heard the sound of glass breaking. "I KNOW YOU'RE HURTING, MITCHELL, BUT RIGHT NOW, WE NEED TO BE STRONG FOR YOUR SON! YOU NEED TO _STOP _HIDING IN THAT GOD-FORSAKEN STUDY OF YOURS AND FACE THE TRUTH! LILA'S GONE, AND SHE'S NOT COMING BACK!" I slowly walked up to the door. I had no idea what I was walking in to. I didn't want to face my dad, let alone when he was heavily intoxicated and incensed.  
"GET—OUT—NOW!" I didn't know when this had started, but I knew that I had to stop this before things got too out of hand.

"EXCUSE ME? WHO DO YOU—"

"GUYS, STOP IT!" I screamed, and my father and Amma focused their attention on me. All of the anger flooded out of their faces. They knew I'd overheard their fight.

"How much did you hear, Ethan?" Dad asked me.

"I heard enough," I said quietly. I turned on my heel and stormed upstairs to my room, my vision quickly blurring. How long was it going to be like this? Amma and my dad were so busy fighting that they were oblivious to me and how much I too was suffering.

"Ethan!" Amma called out. I slammed my bedroom door behind me before sitting down against it, curling up in a ball. I couldn't do this anymore. I could not live in this house. It was all becoming clear now. While my father drunk himself to death, Amma would try to talk some sense into him. It was like I didn't even exist. And frankly, I wasn't sure how I felt about my existence. I pulled out my cell phone and texted Link:

_R U free 2nite? _

After 5 seconds, I got his response:

_Ya. Y? _

I quickly texted back:

_I need 2 get out & get away from here. U want 2 do something fun 4 a change? _

His reply reached me faster than I could send another message:

_Hell ya! I'll meet u the Dar-ee Keen & we can discuss it there. Get there in 1 hour! _

It was then that I finally heard the pounding on my door. "Ethan Lawson Wate! Don't you ignore me!" Amma shouted.

"Like you've been ignoring me?" I shot back. "You know, maybe I should leave Gatlin." I was suddenly angry. I wanted to hurt Amma as much as I was hurting right now.

"Don't talk like that," she said. "Please, let me in." I rose to my feet and opened the door.

"What do you want?" I asked tiredly.

"I'm so sorry," she apologized. "I'm so sorry that I haven't been paying you enough attention. I've just been so worried about Mitchell…" She entered the room and sat down on my bed. I closed the door behind her and sat down next to her.

"What the hell was that?" I asked her.

"I'm scared for your father," she said. "He's become a different person ever since your mother…"

"I feel like I don't even know him," I admitted. Tears were relentlessly flowing from my eyes, but I didn't care. I had to let this out. "The way he looked at me yesterday when he yelled at me…" I shook my head. "It was almost like he hated me."

"I talked to him about that," Amma told me.

"What did he say?" I pressed. I was afraid of what she would say. She hesitated. "Amma, please."

"He said that it hurts him just to look at you because he sees your mother," she said after several moments.

"…Are you saying that he hates me because I remind him of Mom?" I choked out. I looked at her pleadingly, although we both knew her answer.

"Your father does _not_ hate you!" she insisted.

"Could've fooled me," I said bitterly. I rose from the bed and headed outside to the driveway. I'd completely had it with this shit. I climbed into my vehicle, sparked the engine and drove to the Dar-ee Keen. I dialed Link's number, using Bluetooth, and he replied after the first ring.

"Hey, dude. What's up?" he greeted.

"Change of plans, Link," I said. "I'm on my way to the Dar-ee Keen even as we speak. Meet me there?"

"Sure!" my best friend agreed. "Be there in a few minutes!" He hung up and I couldn't help but smile to myself. I needed to spend some time with friends, to get away from everything that was happening in my life, even if it was for a few hours. I didn't want to face my Amma, let alone my dad. It would be too painful for me to bear. Link—in every sense of the word—was the only person I felt secure around. I was terrified of my dad, angry with Amma…angry at the world, and my mother for leaving me so abruptly. Link was the only person in all of this that I was in no way upset with. I pulled up in the parking lot of the Dar-ee Keen, where I saw Link leaning up against his beater, holding a beer in his hand. I parked my car adjacent to his and climbed out.

"You got a beer?" I asked, pleasantly surprised.

"_Beers_, actually," he corrected me, smiling like he was the cat who'd just eaten the canary. "I figured that you needed to cut loose, get drunk and have a little fun for a change, what with all the shit going on right now." He tossed me a beer, and I caught it in my hand. "Drink up, man." I popped open the lid and chugged about ¾ of its contents. For the next few hours, we simply drank our beers and drove around Gatlin to Link's loud music.

"I'm at the top of the world!" Link shouted as the _Game of Thrones _theme music blasted through the speakers. "I WILL TAKE WHAT IS MINE WITH FIRE AND BLOOD!"

I laughed so hard that I ended up spewing out some of my beer. I turned up the volume up to full blast. "WOOOOO!"

"WINTER IS COMING!" he went on. "WHEN YOU PLAY THE GAME OF THRONES, YOU WIN OR YOU DIE. THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND!" Under normal circumstances, Link wouldn't be caught dead yelling _Game of Thrones _quotes out to the world like there was no tomorrow.

"Oh, shut up!" I said jokingly.

"You won't say that when I claim the Iron Thr—" He didn't have a chance to finish because the Beater was on a collision course with a gas truck. The truck slammed into the side of the Beater with such violent force that the car flipped three times before landing upside down.

"What the hell was that?" demanded Link. "Are you okay, dude?"

"I'm good," I said, "for a guy who has a huge shard of glass in my leg." I opened the door and climbed out just as I heard the ambulance. "Come on, Link." His side window was completely shattered. Pieces of glass were scattered all about the ground. I grabbed him by the hand and pulled him from inside the car just as the ambulance pulled up. The ride to the hospital was filled with a sense of dread. My father and Amma would hear about this, and I would be in God-knows-how-much trouble.

When we arrived at the hospital, our injuries were tended to. Afterwards, the nurse asked me, "Is there anybody we can call to take you home?"

There was no way around the question. "My father, yes. Mitchell Wate."

"Thank you." I watched hopelessly as she walked off to make the call to my father.

Fifteen minutes later, I saw my father and Amma storm into the hospital. When they saw me, their faces were wracked with concern.

"Thank God you're okay!" Amma cried, running over to me and hugging me tightly. "I—" She paused. "Is that beer I smell in your breath?" Dad looked like he was about to explode with fury and Amma said hurriedly, "We'll talk about this at home."

The car ride back to Wate's Landing was filled with an uncomfortable silence. My dad's face was black with rage; Amma's expression was unreadable. I knew she was disappointed and angry with me. When we finally got home and were inside, my dad burst.

"UNDERAGE DRINKING, ETHAN?!" he bellowed. "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO DRINK?"

"SAYS THE ONE WHO'S BEEN HIDING IN THE STUDY AND DRINKING CONSTANTLY!" I shot back. I was sick of holding it in. "ALL YOU DO IS DRINK! NOT ONCE IN ALL OF THIS HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING TO HELP ME THROUGH IT!"

"DON'T YOU DARE BE SO GODDAMNED SELFISH, ETHAN LAWSON WATE!" he retorted.

"Mitchell, stop it!" Amma cried, but he went on with no regard for her attempts to calm the storm.

"ME? HOW IN THE HELL AM I BEING SELFISH?" I demanded. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO HAS CONSTANTLY IGNORED ME! THE ONLY TIMES YOU HAVE EVER SPOKEN A SINGLE WORD TO ME THIS PAST WEEK WERE WHEN YOU YELLED AT ME FOR TRYING TO REACH OUT TO YOU AND AFTER I GOT HOME A FEW HOURS AGO! DO YOU THINK MOM WOULD HAVE WANTED THIS?" I regretted the words as soon as they came out of my mouth. My dad slapped me _hard_ across the face before shoving me against the wall.

"DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT LILA LIKE THAT!" he boomed. He was so close to me that he was practically in my face. Amma grabbed him by the arm and pulled him away from me.

"Mitchell," she said firmly, "stop it _now. _You're only going to make matters worse." I placed a hand on my cheek where he'd slapped me. I was certain it would leave a bruise. I was so hurt, so angry that words couldn't begin to describe it. He shot me one last cold, hard glare before going upstairs to the study. Of course he did. Amma turned to me. "Ethan—" Her tone wasn't reprimanding, but rather soft and concerned. She would chastise me later. A lump formed in my throat and tears formed in my eyes before I could stop them. I felt sobs building up in my chest and she quickly pulled me into her arms as I wept and wept.


	4. Chapter 4

Have you ever been so angry, so hurt, and so sad that you feel like nothing will ever be okay again? That was exactly how I felt. It'd been a week since my disastrous outing with Link; Amma had spoken with Mrs. Lincoln about the incident, and we were both in hot water. Link had been grounded for a month's time.

I looked at my face in the bathroom mirror. There was a large, purple bruise where my dad had slapped me. I pressed a hand to my cheek. It was tender, although it didn't hurt as much as it initially did. I still hadn't forgiven my father. Not just for hitting me, but for _everything_. I shook my head before leaving the bathroom and going downstairs. I was surprised to see my dad sitting at the kitchen table. Our eyes met, and I quickly tore my eyes from him. He didn't say anything, yet I could tell he wanted to. His facial expression wasn't filled with anger, but rather sadness and regret. I ignored him and proceeded to pour myself a tall glass of orange juice.

"Are we going to keep this up forever?" Amma asked, breaking the silence. She wasn't cooking breakfast. She gave both me and my dad a frustrated glare. "Ethan Wate, talk to your father." I couldn't even look him in the eye. That was how upset I was with him. I was already hurting from my mom's death, and I wasn't sure how much more pain I could take.

"I feel much better after last week, thank you for asking, Dad," I said bitterly. Amma threw down the glass plate she was holding in anger. It shattered into pieces upon impact.

"If you won't talk, fine," she said angrily, "you're going to have to talk. After what happened last week, I've set you up with a therapist_. Both of you_. I am absolutely tired of all of this fighting."

"I don't need therapy," Dad said firmly.

"Oh, you don't?" Amma snapped, sarcasm and venom dripping from her voice. "I don't see why you don't, seeing as you've been hiding in your study, drinking almost all day and night, pushing me and Ethan away and refusing to support us, let alone letting us help you." She took slow deep breaths, trying to calm herself, before continuing. "I wouldn't have done this if it wasn't absolutely necessary. Your first session is in a week. The therapist wanted to see if you two can possibly resolve your issues before she sees you." She walked out of the room, leaving me alone with my dad.

"Ethan—" he began.

"Don't bother, Dad," I said. "Nothing you say will change anything between us." I turned around and was about to walk off when he grabbed me by the arm, jerking me towards him.

"I'm sorry, Ethan," he said earnestly. His eyes were full of pain, and I couldn't help but think that he was torn between loving me and hating me. After all, Amma had told me that he hated me because I reminded him of Mom.

"Are you?" I shot back. "After all, I remind you of Mom, don't I?" My father was shocked speechless by my comment. "Yeah, Amma told me what you said last week." I jerked myself out of his grasp. I caught a whiff of his breath; it reeked of alcohol. No surprise there. His eyes fell upon the bruise on my cheek, and I headed out, brushing my dad's shoulder. All I could think about was my mom. Things would be so much better if she were here. My dad and I wouldn't be at odds, my dad wouldn't be an alcoholic…everything would be okay again. I was just about to get into my car when I saw Link standing in the driveway, Mrs. Lincoln sitting in her vehicle behind him. "Link, dude, what're you doing here?"

"I'm sorry for last week," he blurted. "I was stupid and selfish. I almost got us killed! I—" He paused midsentence; his eyes found the bruise on my cheek. "…What happened, dude? After you were picked up from the hospital?"

"My father and I got into a fight," I said shortly. "It's fine." Link scanned my face for a short moment; I could see the doubt in his eyes.

"How are things?" he asked.

"No better than they were last week," I admitted. "I really don't feel like talking about it." If I started talking about it, I had a feeling I would start crying and be unable to stop. "How did your mom take the news about our outing?"

"She _freaked_," Link said. "The damage done to the Beater will cost us thousands of dollars, if not more, and we just don't have the money."

"I'm sorry for what happened," I couldn't help but say. He shrugged.

"It's not your fault, dude. It's mine. I was the one who suggested we go on a drinking and driving binge around town," he countered. He sighed. "And look where it got us."

"You have it much better than I do, Link," I told him. "Trust me. Amma wants my dad and me to go to therapy, things have gotten so bad between us."

"_Therapy?_" he exclaimed. "Dude, how bad is _bad_?"

"My dad gave me a freaking black eye, Link, how bad do you think?" I snapped, and immediately regretted my outburst.

"I'm sorry, dude." Mrs. Lincoln honked the horn to her car and he said quickly, "I really need to get going, Ethan. Sorry!" He ran back inside the car. Mrs. Lincoln's gaze pierced me, and for a brief moment, I could have sworn I saw pity in her eyes, but I wasn't certain.

* * *

_A/N: _I am so sorry for the lack of updates! School and some other writing projects of mine have been distracting me as of late. I promise, I'll try to update more ASAP.


	5. Chapter 5

I still couldn't believe it. My dad supposedly hated me because I reminded him of Mom. Amma had set us up for therapy. Could things get even worse than they were now? These thoughts ran through my head as my dad and I sat next to each other on my bed, a strong tension building between us. I was so, so angry with him and I sure as hell did not want to sit with him in the same room and talk with a damned stranger about our issues!

"Ethan," he said gently. "We need to talk about this." I forced myself to meet his gaze; I could barely look him in the eye, I was so upset.

"What is there to talk about, Dad?" I snapped, rising to my feet. "Why the hell are you even _bothering_?" I saw the pain and hurt in his eyes, but I didn't care. He had given me no reason to care about what he felt; he was the one who had pushed me away and slapped me.

"You're my _son_!" he cried.

"Tell me, Dad, are you doing this for me…or for yourself_?" _I hurled the question at him without second thought. He didn't answer, and I turned on my heel and stormed out, slamming the door behind me. Fuck it_, fuck it all. _

"Ethan Lawson Wate!" I heard Amma yell from downstairs. "Get yourself down here right now."

"Not now, Amma!" I snapped. She grabbed me by the arm just when I was within her reach and made me face her.

"Listen, and listen closely, Ethan Wate," she said angrily. "We're all in pain right now, I know, but right now you're acting like your father." I scoffed.

"Acting like my dad? That's the biggest of bullshit I've heard in my life," I spat, jerking myself out of her grip.

"Your father isn't perfect, but he's a good man," Amma said, "and so are you. Your mother would want you guys to talk to each other instead of pushing each other away."

"Is that why you set us up for therapy?" I demanded. She nodded in confirmation. "Ethan Wate, I love you and your father more than anything. I know this isn't going to be easy, but we're family and we're going to get through this together. One step at a time." Tears were sliding down her cheeks as she spoke. "Go on. Go back upstairs and talk to him." Amma gave me an encouraging smile, and reluctantly, I trudged upstairs. My dad was waiting at the top of the stairs.

"Are you ready to talk or are you going to just yell at me?" he asked, his tone not unkind.

"Dad, I-I'm sorry!" I stammered out. "It's just that…I-I just—" I couldn't form the words. I knew that I going to start crying, and I didn't want to cry, let alone in front of my dad. "I just can't do this anymore!" I shouted through a film of tears. "Mom's gone, you hate me, and—"

"Ethan, no. Don't talk like that," my father said. "I don't hate you. You may remind me of your mother, but that doesn't change the fact that you are my son. I'm so sorry about hitting you last week. I wish I could take it all back."

"Well, you can't."

"I know, and I'm sorry," he replied. "Come here." He opened up his arms for a hug, and I walked over to him, letting him hug me. I returned the embrace, unable to deny my desire for his solace. I'd needed this more than ever. I felt sobs building up in my chest and my father said quietly, "It's okay to cry, Ethan. Just let it out." Any composure I had at that moment was lost. I buried my face in Dad's shoulder and sobbed.

"Shhh, it's okay," he murmured in my ear. "It's okay."

"No, it's not," I wept.

"After our fight last week, I realized what it was I could have lost…almost lost. I can't lose you too, Ethan," he said. I was sobbing so hard that I could barely talk. I was hurting already from my mom's passing, but everything my dad had put me through had been the last straw. "I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through," he whispered. I didn't say anything. I just let my dad hold me in his arms, and that was enough.

It was all I needed.


	6. Chapter 6

"I'm glad you've finally reconciled with your father," Amma told me over breakfast. She my dad and I all sat at the table—only she was eating. Dad and I were picking at our pancakes.

I nodded and forced a smile. In truth, I still hadn't forgiven him. I was still angry with him. I understood how Amma thought how I let him cry on his shoulder meant that we had made amends, but we hadn't. I couldn't bring myself to forgive him. Not now. It'd been a month since the accident, and nothing felt easier. Nothing felt the same without Mom.

"I'm writing a new book," Dad said, breaking the silence that had fallen over us.

"That's good to hear, Mitchell," replied Amma, smiling. "Lila would be so proud of you." At that moment, it was like my dad and I were synchronized with one another. He looked down at his food for a brief moment and said quickly, "I'm going back up to the study. Don't call for me unless it's important." He rose from the table and went upstairs.

"I'm done too," I said, getting to my feet. "Thanks, Amma."

"Ethan Wate," she said shortly. "Come back here. Talk to me." Oh, shit. I stayed in place, facing her.

"What?" I asked her. "What do you want to talk to me about?" She shook her head in a disbelieving manner.

"Don't take me for a fool, Ethan Lawson Wate," she chided. "I could sense the tension between you and your father like you sense the ending of a movie, novel, or game. You haven't forgiven him, have you?" There was no avoiding the question, let alone getting around Amma.

"No," I confessed. "I haven't."

"He thinks you've forgiven him," she pointed out. "You should be honest with him about this, not keep it bottled up inside."

"Like how he's coping?" I retorted. Amma stood up, looking me dead in the eye.

"Don't turn this around on your father," she said angrily. "None of this is his fault." I scoffed in disbelief.

"Like his behavior last month?" Amma slammed her hand down on the table in her anger. I hadn't seen her this angry before.

"You have some _nerve_ to say that about your father when _you_ were the one who went on a _drinking and driving binge_ with Link last month," she nearly growled. Now it was my turn to be angry.

"Maybe we're both to blame, Amma," I spat. "I wouldn't be surprised."

"How dare you talk back to me like that!" I couldn't stop the words as they came tumbling out of my mouth. I'd bottled up so much hurt and so much anger over the course of a month that it was suffocating to keep it in.

"Ever since Mom died, my life has been one huge goddamned motherfucking shithole," I exploded. "My dad has become a fucking alcoholic, Jackson has made me the damned poster child for pity, and I just can't take this anymore!" I swept my arms across the table, and the remains of our breakfast fell to the floor, the glass plates shattering upon impact. "You know, Amma, I have fucking _had it_ here with Gatlin! There is nothing more I would like than to get the hell out and get a clean slate." I was surprised at her silence, but I had no reason to care. I was so, so, so overwhelmingly incensed. It was as if the events of the past month had finally caught up to me.

"Ethan, calm down. Take some deep breaths and listen to me," said Amma, clearly shaken by my outburst. "I love you and your father, but now…it's become clear to me that I can't help you—you and your father—alone."

"What are you saying?" I demanded.

"You and your father are going to see your therapist," she answered. "Despite your breakdown in his arms, I just knew that it was going to take a lot more than your guys' efforts to reconcile. Your first session is tomorrow." She left the kitchen and said over her shoulder, "Clean up that mess of yours."


End file.
